Say WHAT?????????
It's not about me??? Of course it IS!!!!!! What, do you think it's about YOU?? HA!! Why would it be all about you when it should be all about me???
Of course we would never actually say any of this aloud or during an argument...and if you would, you need some serious help... but how many of us say this in our actions and attitudes every single day??
...particularly to our spouse....
Ooooooooo, did I hit a nerve there? Cheer up, I hit my own nerve as well so we're in the same boat. Here, let me help you row...
I tend to have this attitude. I don't come right out and say this to Jimmy but I certainly do mean this when I speak to him in a disrespectful tone or bark some kind of order at him and expect him to jump right to it as if he were my slave or something...and sometimes, yes sometimes, I even drag this attitude into our marital bed. Sex is something we should do my way, on my terms, what I feel like, when I feel like it, and if I decide to do any "extras" once or twice a year you should consider yourself a lucky man and I am so worthy of Best Wife of the Year awards, certificates, and trophies...and you should definitely brag to your best friend about me. Just be sure that you do it like from the other room when we get together so I can HEAR about how awesome I am...
Boy, am I glad there's no one that reads this! I'm really laying it out here. these are things that I always thought I would keep inside...certainly not material I would think I would send out into cyberspace. However, I do believe if you a reading this right now it's for a good reason, and I hope you can learn from my mistakes.
Last week a thought occurred to me. "Am I REALLY and truly a good wife?"
...I thought about it a while...
...and then I had to answer with all honesty and say "No, I'm really not"
Oh sure, i keep the house clean, I cook meals, do laundry, change our sheets, take care of our baby, teach Seth and Gracie their lessons...but when it comes to being Jimmy's WIFE, essentially, his helpmeet, I am not a good wife.
Here are some things that I used to (up until a week ago) do to him:
-whenever he wanted a kiss I would pretend to faint so he couldn't reach me, turn my head and tell him he needed to earn them, or instruct him that he needed to use more mouthwash before I did. I very RARELY kissed him straight up...there always had to be a catch. And when he DID manage to get a kiss, I would wipe it off (not in a mean way) and tell him he was too slobbery..
-I would EXPECT him to rub either my legs or my back each night. Which he did, because he is an AWESOME husband
-I would ask him if he loved me and when he said "yes" I would tell him that I don't think he did. (I believed 100% that he loved me. I have NEVER doubted that but for some reason I always felt that I had to say it. It's almost like I needed him to strive to love me more...does that make sense?)
- I didn't hug him a lot. Jimmy is a very hands on man and he loves to be touched, by ME! I guess it was my selfish way of making sure he'd always strive for my attention. As if I have all these hugs and they're numbered so I don't want to give too many out or he won't want them anymore...
I'm so glad that I have finally acknowledged all of this before the LORD and He is helping me to become the wife that He commands me to be!
Proverbs 31:10
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The
heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."
Proverbs 14:1
"The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."
So last week I came across these two blogs: here
and
here
These websites have truly helped me to step back and reevaluate how I treat, speak to, and show my love to Jimmy. It was weird at first, especially when making a nice comment to him. It wasn't that I spoke nasty to him the last 8 years, it's just that I've never been the one to say lovey-dovey things. Everything was always a joke to me or I snapped at him when I was tired or in a bad mood.
If you are anything like me at all, honestly take a look at your heart. Are you the wife that you want to be??? If not, then you need GOD to change your heart!!! He changed me, and I am so grateful for it!! For 8 years the locusts have eaten away at time and love that I could've lavished on my Jimmy. No more!!! they aren't getting any more!! I'm taking every kiss and adding 10 seconds to it...and believe me, Jimmy is LOVING it!!
...and tonight I'm going to surprise HIM with a massage...because I want my life to focus on GOD and Jimmy, not me.
Because it's NOT about me!!
...it never was....
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
No Followers? Then Why Blog?
If you have randomly stumbled across my blog somehow, I would like to personally welcome you to it!!
There may be a few things you notice. Probably one of the first is that there are no comments after any of my blog posts. This is because of something else you will probably take notice to: I have NO followers.
You may find that odd, afterall everyone has at least ONE friend, don't they?
Haha! I assure you that I have a plethora of people that enjoy my company and a few very close friends... I couldn't become a hermit if I tried!!!....I just haven't let people know that I'm blogging over here. I enjoy having this area of my life that is just me spilling my beans (pun intended to those that know me).
My hubby does know that I am blogging (I don't keep ANYTHING from him) and if he were to ask me for the link to see this I would most certainly give it to him. I will be blogging about him soon...I'm soooo in love with him so if you don't like that mushy-gushy stuff this is your fair warning to stay away! haha! It will probably be titled ~My One True Love~ or something to that effect!!
Well, enjoy your time here checking out my other posts, or just scroll back to the top of this page and click on that nice button >>NEXT BLOG>> and move along...
~A random photo of my sister, Susie, building a bear~
There may be a few things you notice. Probably one of the first is that there are no comments after any of my blog posts. This is because of something else you will probably take notice to: I have NO followers.
You may find that odd, afterall everyone has at least ONE friend, don't they?
Haha! I assure you that I have a plethora of people that enjoy my company and a few very close friends... I couldn't become a hermit if I tried!!!....I just haven't let people know that I'm blogging over here. I enjoy having this area of my life that is just me spilling my beans (pun intended to those that know me).
My hubby does know that I am blogging (I don't keep ANYTHING from him) and if he were to ask me for the link to see this I would most certainly give it to him. I will be blogging about him soon...I'm soooo in love with him so if you don't like that mushy-gushy stuff this is your fair warning to stay away! haha! It will probably be titled ~My One True Love~ or something to that effect!!
Well, enjoy your time here checking out my other posts, or just scroll back to the top of this page and click on that nice button >>NEXT BLOG>> and move along...
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Down Time
~Shhhhhhhhhhhh~
Okay, I admit it: I love, Love, LOVE nap time around here!!!Don't get me wrong, I love, Love, LOVE hanging out with my Anya and Seth & Gracie, but there comes a time when my little brain just needs to "blerk" and listen to nothing but the noises from outside the open window, or the "chuk, chuk, chuk" of the washer scrubbing up my clothes, or even better the "tippty-tap-tap-tap" of my fingers across the keyboard of my laptop...
It's not that I have a crazy, hectic, over-scheduled morning, it's just that there's a lot going on living our life and it's nice to have a time when we quiet down...
Here's a quick look at our morning schedule:
-Seth and Gracie arrive
-10-15 min of chat time with their Dad about any problems they may be having (ex. tummy aches, didn't sleep well the night before, up too early, chapped lips, ect)
-10 min of playtime with Ani
- 10-15 min of Morning Circle with date, weather, songs, and Bible verse memorization
-35-45 min of Sing, Spell, Read, & Write. This is our learning to read program and you can read about it here
-Halfway through S,S,R,&W we have a snack time
- 30-40 min of playtime while I clean a bathroom, toss in a load of laundry, and/or vacuum.
-10 min prepare lunch
-15-20 min LUNCH
-10 min getting them all potty'ed and cleaned up
-10-15 min of rocking Anya to sleep as she nurses
-Seth and Gracie play in Jimmy's office while I do this
- 5 min tuck Seth and Gracie in on the couch and throw myself into my recliner and take a deep breath
I realize that Seth is 5 and Gracie is 4 and nap time is soon to be gone. In fact, Seth doesn't usually fall asleep anymore. However, I do believe that relaxation time is very, very important and vital for maintaining a happy child for the rest of the day until bedtime. Seth does have the option to take books to look at, though he very rarely does. He is my thinking boy and enjoys (whether he'll admit it or not) laying on the couch thinking about stuffs in his little world :D
Gracie has not been given the book-looking option yet because she is still VERY MUCH in need of her afternoon nap.
And there, my friend, is a little peek into the world of me on a typical weekday...
Now if you'll excuse me, my brain needs some rest :D
Monday, April 1, 2013
Did she???
Anya is 15 months and 3 weeks old today...she has said "Mama" about two times and both times, I'm pretty sure, it was by accident.
This evening I decided to get a relaxing bath after dinner while Jimmy played with Ani (one of his favorite times of the day). It was only about 20 min before her bedtime but I figured I'd let her stay up for a little while tonight...
She had a different idea. When her bedtime hit, she had a meltdown on poor Dada. I could hear her downstairs from my bath and I realized I needed to end my relaxation time...
And then the kicker: I heard her making noise as Jimmy brought her into the bedroom. It stopped as soon as she saw me because she began to laugh...Jimmy insists she was saying "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama" the whole way up the stairs...I didn't hear it and she refused to repeat it... So the question still remains in my mind...Will she ever call me "Mama" to my face???
~My Lovey Baby...That FACE!!!~
This evening I decided to get a relaxing bath after dinner while Jimmy played with Ani (one of his favorite times of the day). It was only about 20 min before her bedtime but I figured I'd let her stay up for a little while tonight...
She had a different idea. When her bedtime hit, she had a meltdown on poor Dada. I could hear her downstairs from my bath and I realized I needed to end my relaxation time...
And then the kicker: I heard her making noise as Jimmy brought her into the bedroom. It stopped as soon as she saw me because she began to laugh...Jimmy insists she was saying "Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama" the whole way up the stairs...I didn't hear it and she refused to repeat it... So the question still remains in my mind...Will she ever call me "Mama" to my face???
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Lakeshore Learning Center
Oh my WORD!!! I thought there would never be a store in the world that could top my love of Kohl's...I have just discovered it today!!! Lakeshore Learning Center is a teacher's store that's full of all kinds of goodies!! I was salivating the moment I walked through the door! I wanted EVERYTHING in sight! It was so very awesome!!!
I was having a severe struggle with my flesh in there. I had just finished a great shopping trip at Kohl's where I had purchased presents for Rachel, Mary, Jonathan, Bailey, and Brandt, as well as new flip flops for me and an Easter tie for Jimmy and I spent only $65 and received a $10 Kohl's cash coupon for next week! That was some GREAT savings (my savings totaled $350!!) and I was riding high on my Cheap-o-meter, until I walked through THAT door...Oh my...It was all the colors, all the workbooks, all the manipulatives, all the learning games, the pencils, the paper, the stickers, the glue, the glitter, the little chachkey incentive prizes...oh dear, my head is spinning at the remembrance of it all! I had to calm myself down and I even managed to talk myself out of purchasing the $19 pizza pie game that helps to teach addition and subtraction. I didn't need it...I also talked myself out of buying special boxes for buttons. I mean, really April, you have all those awesome buttons in that Ziploc bag. Don't you think they are really happy there? Do you really need to spend $3 on a box that says BUTTONS just so you can put them in there and pull them out 2x a year??
I settled on buying a new colorful calendar, because I am in desperate need of one, as well as some Ticonderoga pencils (because, hey, they ARE the best!). I also picked up some clearance crayons and glue sticks since we were out...
I also signed up for the Lakeshore Club and received a free welcome bag...They may have sucked me into their world for good now...
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
My Secrets
I'd like to take this opportunity to just kind of word vomit all over my blog. I just have so many things going on in my head that I feel like if I could just get them out they wouldn't be jammed in there so annoyingly!
Here we go: Totally random!
- I want to move so badly! I really do not like being at Tabernacle Church. I feel very limited in what I can do there. There are several people in authoritative positions there that should NOT be because they do not display the love of Christ. They are back biters, users, gossips, and drama queens and/or kings...sometimes I go on Realtor.com and look at other places to live and pretend that I'm moving soon.
- I struggle in my prayer life. I have the worst wandering mind and I get side tracked so easily and it frustrates me
-I hate putting laundry away! I'll wash it, fold it, sort it, and put it in baskets, but I hate, hate, HATE putting it away! It usually sits near my dresser, Anya's dresser, and Jimmy's dresser in baskets and we just take from it. I know this is an area I need to work on. I mean, really, how long would it really take if I just out it away when it's done?? Prob 10 min!...and yet....
- I want to live in a trailer. I know, weird...I used to HATE trailers. In fact, I told Jimmy when we began dating that trailers were not for me, I only wanted a house. Now, I'm in a house, that doesn't belong to me, and I just hope and pray for a time when Jimmy and I can own a trailer. A double wide...with 3 or 4 bedrooms and 2 bath...with a cute little kitchen and a little dining room with fake wooden floors and one of those little sheds on the side of it...It's amazing how much your perspective can change when you realize how much you really DON'T need in life.
- I compare myself to people...but not in the "I should be more like them" way, but in the "I'm so glad I'm not like them" way. It's very conceited and not very nice at all. Even if the person (usually another woman) is thinner than me, neater than me, or prettier than me, I always find a way to be better than them in my mind. I don't even try hard, something just usually pops into my mind without any effort at all. This is something I need to be more mindful of and be careful to not dwell on. GOD needs to change this in me...
-Facebook is annoyingly addictive...I like FarmTown A lot...too much, in fact...
-I deactivated my FB account because I felt very harassed yesterday and sometimes you just need to step away from the drama of it all and leave it behind!
- There are times in my life when I wake up and just want to lay on the couch all day and watch TV...
- There are times in my life when I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of people that want to visit me, talk to me, text with me, and ask my advice on things. Sometimes I just want to run away so my mind can just be still and I don't have to make plans with ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- It hurts my feelings when someone texts me and asks if they can visit, or I can come visit them, and I have to tell them "no" for one reason or another and they swing a "text 'tude" on me and reply "k" or "oh" or worse, don't answer. It makes me feel that I'm only good enough when I'm at their beck and call...
- It hurts my feelings when I express myself in a sad way in a status and I'm told to "suck it up" or "get over it", especially because it's not all that often, and it's usually about my dead parents
- I hate being an orphan
-I'm sorry if those last three sounded whiny. They really weren't meant to be and since you can't see or hear the emotion behind this I can see how one would think that was me being a whiny baby
- Sometimes I cancel plans because I have legitimately made myself sick over the prospect of having to go out and do something. Yes, I'm an extrovert, but sometimes, sometimes I am indeed introverted.
- I hate answering my cell phone
-I hate answering my door
- Well, I guess that's it...
~Just an ordinary girl, with things on her mind~
Here we go: Totally random!
- I want to move so badly! I really do not like being at Tabernacle Church. I feel very limited in what I can do there. There are several people in authoritative positions there that should NOT be because they do not display the love of Christ. They are back biters, users, gossips, and drama queens and/or kings...sometimes I go on Realtor.com and look at other places to live and pretend that I'm moving soon.
- I struggle in my prayer life. I have the worst wandering mind and I get side tracked so easily and it frustrates me
-I hate putting laundry away! I'll wash it, fold it, sort it, and put it in baskets, but I hate, hate, HATE putting it away! It usually sits near my dresser, Anya's dresser, and Jimmy's dresser in baskets and we just take from it. I know this is an area I need to work on. I mean, really, how long would it really take if I just out it away when it's done?? Prob 10 min!...and yet....
- I want to live in a trailer. I know, weird...I used to HATE trailers. In fact, I told Jimmy when we began dating that trailers were not for me, I only wanted a house. Now, I'm in a house, that doesn't belong to me, and I just hope and pray for a time when Jimmy and I can own a trailer. A double wide...with 3 or 4 bedrooms and 2 bath...with a cute little kitchen and a little dining room with fake wooden floors and one of those little sheds on the side of it...It's amazing how much your perspective can change when you realize how much you really DON'T need in life.
- I compare myself to people...but not in the "I should be more like them" way, but in the "I'm so glad I'm not like them" way. It's very conceited and not very nice at all. Even if the person (usually another woman) is thinner than me, neater than me, or prettier than me, I always find a way to be better than them in my mind. I don't even try hard, something just usually pops into my mind without any effort at all. This is something I need to be more mindful of and be careful to not dwell on. GOD needs to change this in me...
-Facebook is annoyingly addictive...I like FarmTown A lot...too much, in fact...
-I deactivated my FB account because I felt very harassed yesterday and sometimes you just need to step away from the drama of it all and leave it behind!
- There are times in my life when I wake up and just want to lay on the couch all day and watch TV...
- There are times in my life when I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of people that want to visit me, talk to me, text with me, and ask my advice on things. Sometimes I just want to run away so my mind can just be still and I don't have to make plans with ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- It hurts my feelings when someone texts me and asks if they can visit, or I can come visit them, and I have to tell them "no" for one reason or another and they swing a "text 'tude" on me and reply "k" or "oh" or worse, don't answer. It makes me feel that I'm only good enough when I'm at their beck and call...
- It hurts my feelings when I express myself in a sad way in a status and I'm told to "suck it up" or "get over it", especially because it's not all that often, and it's usually about my dead parents
- I hate being an orphan
-I'm sorry if those last three sounded whiny. They really weren't meant to be and since you can't see or hear the emotion behind this I can see how one would think that was me being a whiny baby
- Sometimes I cancel plans because I have legitimately made myself sick over the prospect of having to go out and do something. Yes, I'm an extrovert, but sometimes, sometimes I am indeed introverted.
- I hate answering my cell phone
-I hate answering my door
- Well, I guess that's it...
Monday, March 25, 2013
Grocery Shopping
Why is it that grocery shopping is so tiresome and boring?
I am sooooo not one of those people that enjoys it. I get no pleasure from it, whatsoever! I am not really into couponing. I've watched the Extreme Coupon shows and while they are entertaining I have no interest in stockpiling enough deodorant for Anya and my next 6 children to use from the time they get smelly armpits until their 57th birthdays. It's just not me...plus all that sorting, clipping, list making, running to different stores...To quote the "famous" noteworthy woman, Sweetie Brown: " AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!
Honestly, I do use a couple of coupons here and there but I am in no way a coupon-aholic! haha!
I do need to come up with a better system for my meals. I don't need to plan a month in advance, but I do need to have some sort of idea each day what to make that evening. That will help me to eliminate the urge to order a pizza or pop over to Wendy's because I'm too tired to think up a recipe...
Meanwhile, I have to go to Shop Rite tonight...I'm tired and bored at the thought of it already...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Groan...double groan.....sigh...
I am sooooo not one of those people that enjoys it. I get no pleasure from it, whatsoever! I am not really into couponing. I've watched the Extreme Coupon shows and while they are entertaining I have no interest in stockpiling enough deodorant for Anya and my next 6 children to use from the time they get smelly armpits until their 57th birthdays. It's just not me...plus all that sorting, clipping, list making, running to different stores...To quote the "famous" noteworthy woman, Sweetie Brown: " AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!
Honestly, I do use a couple of coupons here and there but I am in no way a coupon-aholic! haha!
I do need to come up with a better system for my meals. I don't need to plan a month in advance, but I do need to have some sort of idea each day what to make that evening. That will help me to eliminate the urge to order a pizza or pop over to Wendy's because I'm too tired to think up a recipe...
Meanwhile, I have to go to Shop Rite tonight...I'm tired and bored at the thought of it already...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Groan...double groan.....sigh...
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