It's Not About Me???????

Say WHAT?????????

It's not about me??? Of course it IS!!!!!! What, do you think it's about YOU?? HA!! Why would it be all about you when it should be all about me???

Of course we would never actually say any of this aloud or during an argument...and if you would, you need some serious help... but how many of us say this in our actions and attitudes every single day?? 

...particularly to our spouse....

Ooooooooo, did I hit a nerve there? Cheer up, I hit my own nerve as well so we're in the same boat. Here, let me help you row...

I tend to have this attitude. I don't come right out and say this to Jimmy but I certainly do mean this when I speak to him in a disrespectful tone or bark some kind of order at him and expect him to jump right to it as if he were my slave or something...and sometimes, yes sometimes, I even drag this attitude into our marital bed. Sex is something we should do my way, on my terms, what I feel like, when I feel like it, and if I decide to do any "extras" once or twice a year you should consider yourself a lucky man and I am so worthy of Best Wife of the Year awards, certificates, and trophies...and you should definitely brag to your best friend about me. Just be sure that you do it like from the other room when we get together so I can HEAR about how awesome I am...

Boy, am I glad there's no one that reads this! I'm really laying it out here. these are things that I always thought I would keep inside...certainly not material I would think I would send out into cyberspace. However, I do believe if you a reading this right now it's for a good reason, and I hope you can learn from my mistakes.

Last week a thought occurred to me. "Am I REALLY and truly a good wife?"

...I thought about it a while...

...and then I had to answer with all honesty and say "No, I'm really not"

Oh sure, i keep the house clean, I cook meals, do laundry, change our sheets, take care of our baby, teach Seth and Gracie their lessons...but when it comes to being Jimmy's WIFE, essentially, his helpmeet, I am not a good wife. 

Here are some things that I used to (up until a week ago) do to him:
-whenever he wanted a kiss I would pretend to faint so he couldn't reach me, turn my head and tell him he needed to earn them, or instruct him that he needed to use more mouthwash before I did. I very RARELY kissed him straight up...there always had to be a catch. And when he DID manage to get a kiss, I would wipe it off (not in a mean way) and tell him he was too slobbery..

-I would EXPECT him to rub either my legs or my back each night. Which he did, because he is an AWESOME husband

-I would ask him if he loved me and when he said "yes" I would tell him that I don't think he did. (I believed 100% that he loved me. I have NEVER doubted that but for some reason I always felt that I had to say it. It's almost like I needed him to strive to love me more...does that make sense?)

- I didn't hug him a lot. Jimmy is a very hands on man and he loves to be touched, by ME! I guess it was my selfish way of making sure he'd always strive for my attention. As if I have all these hugs and they're numbered so I don't want to give too many out or he won't want them anymore...


I'm so glad that I have finally acknowledged all of this before the LORD and He is helping me to become the wife that He commands me to be!

Proverbs 31:10
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."

Proverbs 14:1
"The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."  

So last week I came across these two blogs: here 
                                                                 and
                                                                 here 


These websites have truly helped me to step back and reevaluate how I treat, speak to, and show my love to Jimmy. It was weird at first, especially when making a nice comment to him. It wasn't that I spoke nasty to him the last 8 years, it's just that I've never been the one to say lovey-dovey things. Everything was always a joke to me or I snapped at him when I was tired or in a bad mood.

If you are anything like me at all, honestly take a look at your heart. Are you the wife that you want to be??? If not, then you need GOD to change your heart!!! He changed me, and I am so grateful for it!! For 8 years the locusts have eaten away at time and love that I could've lavished on my Jimmy. No more!!! they aren't getting any more!! I'm taking every kiss and adding 10 seconds to it...and believe me, Jimmy is LOVING it!! 

...and tonight I'm going to surprise HIM with a massage...because I want my life to focus on GOD and Jimmy, not me.

Because it's NOT about me!! 

...it never was....